March 4, 2010


I've been really overwhelmed lately. I always seem to be busy as a math student, but it's been particularly difficult these past two weeks when my studying and assignment madness hasn't translated into the caliber of success I strive for. I've been feeling like I do so much and try so hard, but it's still not good enough.

Many a tears have been shed this past week, and for a wide variety of reasons. I think I've just been intensely overemotional this past little while. I cried tears of pride on Sunday when Canada won our 14 gold medal, setting a new Olympic record. I also had more proud tears shed that night as I watched the closing ceremony and thought about just how amazing my home country is.
A few times this week I've had emotional meltdowns, crying as what seems like a last resort stress release. I was really upset with my performance on my past two midterms, and I broke down in tears a few times. Once while working on algebra, so I sent my worries away in an e-mail to a boy in Alberta that I knew could handle it. He probably thinks I'm an emotional mess now, but he always seems to know just what I need to boost my spirits. Upon attempting to send my issues out into cyberspace I hoped to be able to forget about them. However, I still felt icky so I ended up calling home to talk to my mom. I let her know what was up, and just curled up in a ball and cried while she gave me her best motherly advice. Though not much was actually resolved I felt better just knowing she was there for me. I was able to finish up my assignment, and then crawled into bed earlier than I had expected.
I checked my e-mail before setting my alarm, and in my inbox I found words from that boy in Alberta that brought me to tears for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening. The difference was that this time they were tears cried out of comfort and the reminder that I'm not alone. He wrote me a short poem--a reminder that I can be safe in his arms whenever I need to be and that things will be alright for both of us. Though I sort of wish to share the poem with the world I also want to treasure it as it is now, something that is just for me. Anyways, alongside his poem he sent a brief message asking me not to worry, and reminding me that it would be okay. He told me that failures are not those who get things wrong, but those who do not continue to try. He ended by promising me that things would be okay and sending his love. The tears were streaming down my face as I read his message over and over again, realizing how lucky I am to have him in my life.
Needless to say I slept soundly that night. The next afternoon, upon returning from class, I opened my e-mail to see if I had heard from my mom. I had, and reading her words made me smile. She had just the right amounts of love, humour, and motherly advice. There was also another message in my inbox from the Albertan poet. The subject line was "Let's you and me... tomorrow is not yet here...", and the entire content of the e-mail was a single link to a song on YouTube. The song is Haight Street by Anberlin. It was really sweet, cheering me up even more through one of my favourite mediums. Though the band isn't my usual thing I really like them. The song is catchy, and knowing it was coming from someone made it really sweet. Here's some of my favourite lyrics from the song:

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The rear view mirror shows the times we're abandoning.
Let's leave this night behind, forgetting all they say.
The time we had is time well borrowed.
Stay out all night; forget tomorrow.

Let's, you and me, make a night of it.
Old enough to know, but too young to care.
Let's, you and me, make a night of it.
Old enough to know, but too young to care.

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I started this post saying that I was overwhelmed, and though that is still true I must finish this post by saying that only through being truly overwhelmed did I discover that I am overloved by many, causing me to be simply overjoyed. There's so many people cheering me on and comforting me when I fall, and I'm grateful for every one of them. My mom, my dad, my best girlfriends, the rest of my gigantic family, the boy out in Alberta, my don, and some friends I've made in residence. I'm so lucky to have all these amazing people in my life.


  1. You are amazing natalie <3
    we all love you and are behind you every step of the way.
    I would write a longer response but unfortunately mcd's is calling me away <3
    Everyone you love is just a second away, by text, e-mail, phone or in person. we are all here for you.

  2. I love you. Thanks for reminding me that you're always within reach. I need to get things under control soon so I can have a phone or Skype date with you soon.


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